creative writing • my inner patriarchy

Updated: Jun 2, 2019



My journey to White Tantric Yoga on the weekend (note: to, not at). If you’re wondering what White Tantric Yoga is, click on here for a better explanation than I could give you.

As they say, it’s all about the journey rather than the destination. Well, sit back and enjoy this rather entertaining (and vulnerable) journey of how I unknowingly transcended my inner patriarchy, use the power of mantra and a big old dose of trust in the Divine.

➰➰➰ Go to White Tantric, they said.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Me arriving at the airport just over an hour before take off....flight cancelled.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ 10mins later, all (Jetstar) flights to Sydney has been cancelled for today. There’s a big dust storm and the first flight from Sydney never arrived in Brisbane. All runways bar one has been closed. Earliest flight tomorrow is 7.30am.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ O...k.... I need to be there for 7am start tomorrow. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ What now.... I walk over to the Qantas booth (who I made my initial booking through), at the same time looking up one-way tickets to Sydney on my phone, the cheapest was almost $900 - no way. I overhear the family behind me decides to drive. Drive?! That’s a great idea. I turn to ask, “Are you guys driving?! Can I come?!” The lovely mother runs after her husband and two young ones, and I get an apologetic shake of the head from afar.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ That’s fine. Keep queuing, keep praying. I get to the counter, explain the whole Sydney flight situation. Next flight is $408. Do you want it? No. That’s too much to pay. Turn around and ask the next guy behind me, would you consider driving? No. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ (me inside) Another no. Maybe I am not meant to go. Maybe this is a sign. Or maybe I’m not meant to fly.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Back I go to the Jetstar desk for my refund. My mind starts - what about flying Brisbane to Melbourne and I could drive or fly from Melbourne. Or fly Brisbane to Newcastle and drive from there. What about Gold Coast to Sydney, or Gold Coast to Newcastle. So many options, getting slightly crazier by the minute. Newcastle became the most logical option but that would involve me ninja-ing my way from the airport to the train station in a flat 20mins after 9pm, no that’s too risky. “This is the last ticket on that afternoon Newcastle flight. Do you want it?” I could hire a car and drive, that would mean I arrive in Sydney after midnight. Nope. That’s crazy. Even crazier before tomorrow’s 12hr day. “Release it. I’ll find another way.”⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ What now? The knot in my stomach start to unravel, I start to cry. Weeping my way back to Qantas and back again to Jetstar. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Do I really want to go? Not sure now to be honest. And I started to pray. I put the miracle mantra on on repeat quietly on my phone. Ek Ong Kar Sat Gur Prasad, Sat Gur Prasad, Ek Ong Kar. I start to chant it silently as my tears dry up and I breathe deeper. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ The same towering giant German guy who I spoke with right at the start appears again beside me wearing a very strong Austrian double-headed-Eagle pendent (which he later explained that it’s for double the vision, double the eagle-eye perspective 🦅), sees that I’ve been crying. Pats me on the shoulder and tells me, there’s a reason for this. They call it destiny. Both of us step up to our respective flight attendants back at the desk (4th time for me). I’m ready to ask one last time if Jetstar would book me a flight via Qantas. “No, sorry, we don’t do that if a flight is cancelled due to weather.” Wtf. Fine. I get my refund for today’s cancelled flight, and my new German friend W is rescheduling his for tomorrow morning. Without thinking, I turn to him and say, how about we hire a car and drive down together, it’ll be the cheapest, and if we shared the driving we’d get down there in 10 hours. We’d be there before sunset. He caught the twinkle in my eye and said “that’s crazy but why not, let’s make an adventure of it”. He turns back to the desk lady “Do you want to surrender your flight tomorrow?” Yes. “Are you sure?” He looks at me, and turns to her and says to her a resounding Yes.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ “See you at the car rental place.” I ask for his number. What’s your name? Wolfgang. I send him a text “it’s Jamie, your co-pilot”.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Next minute, while I am still waiting for this refund to correct itself (my dear desk lady had somehow cancelled BOTH my flights including my return flight from Sydney this Sunday 🙈 #mercuryretrograde at its finest!!!) ...I hear the other desk lady to her new customer exclaim “what?! That’s cheap!!” I turn and see a single mum with two young boys in her arms. “Did you get flights to Sydney?” Yes. $225, we leave in an hour. I’m shocked. Yes, me too.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Wait. I texted W. Wait. I may have found reasonable flights to Sydney. Just wait.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Back I go to Qantas. No more tears, full of determination. If we get these flights for $200, we’ll fly. If it’s any more, we’ll drive.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Ok he said. ⁣⁣ $218, do you want it. Yes. We take off at 11am. Yes.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ———⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ W and I get through the gates and sit down to catch our breath. W said “How did you convince me to drive, I have no idea! What a morning, I wonder what all of that was about!! It’ll be a miracle when we land in Sydney!” Indeed. I explain the connection I saw of the Full Moon in Gemini today, with Mercury as the ruler of Gemini being in retrograde. Plus air being the element of Gemini was probably the link to the crazy winds in Sydney. Them crazy winds of change! And then later chuckled that of course my sun sign is in Gemini. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ What? You’re a Gemini. ⁣⁣ Yes.⁣⁣ Your birthday isn’t the 18th of June is it?⁣⁣ WHAT!? YES IT IS!⁣⁣ Turns out he also has two other close friends with the same birthday!! ⁣⁣ 🙈🙈🙈⁣⁣ And! We both have businesses in the same suburb!! ⁣⁣ What kind of cosmic Gemini joke is this!!! ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ And so my White Tantric weekend continues...it truly is a miracle that I’m even on a plane and we’ve safely taken off and left Brisbane.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I think I’m ready for you Sydney. Stay tuned for more....⁣⁣ ➰➰➰ Old Jamie would’ve gone f**k this shit around about the time that I learnt flights were $900 a pop, very early on in the piece. She would’ve said (actually, yelled internally) I’m driving my own car, all alone, with my bleeding womb (day one today), gotten flaming mad and pushed through till the finish line. Drove probably 5hrs straight with no food, no pee, no water. Just to say fuck you to the system. And slowly destroyed myself from the inside. To prove what? My independence?? To whom?? Current Jamie allowed herself to feel the vulnerability of the situation and allowed the emotions to release in a very public place of seriously heightened stress, and by doing that, without intending it to, it turned out to be the key to receive the exact support I needed. Instead, also channelling this fierce tenacity to being persistent (yes, there was a LOT of pacing between the airline booths) until something gave way. And the best possible outcome eventuated and I couldn’t feel more supported. After we landed in Sydney, Wolfgang’s son + fiancé actually drove me and all my bags right to the doorstep of my Air BnB. Had flights not had been cancelled, I would’ve had to catch two trains + an Uber to arrive at my accommodation. So there. What a womb + mind + heart + soul opening ceremony for this White Tantric virgin. Sat nam.

#KundaliniYoga #Mantra #Trust #Journal

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